Today would be my father’s 77th birthday. Each year on this day I celebrate what he loved in life – so this year it his favorite comfort food and shopping. I think of my dad often – especially during the time he was very sick. This was a time of huge growth and learning for me. In honor of this day, I would like to share a turning point during his illness that put me on a path that I never expected.
There are moments in a life that seem so small, yet have a huge impact on our life trajectory. For me one of these turning points has been a focus of reflection for many months as I explore where my life has taken me and where I hope to go. What follows is one of these moments.
I hear voices in my head and over the last couple of years they have gotten louder and more destructive. They don’t tell me to harm others or to damage the world. But they do limit my world.
The voices sound like my own voice helping me to stay safe, do the “right” thing, and to keep me from pain and suffering. And those voices, I not only hear them, I often base my actions off of them. Because who doesn’t want to do the right thing, feels safe and not be in pain (physical, emotional, spiritual)? Those voices want me to not write a blog post, “because what do I have to say?” “Who wants to read it?” And when I do sit to write, the voices escalate “you shouldn’t write in first person, that is self indulgent and conceited.” “What you are saying isn’t fact. Where are your resources to back it up?” “And what gives you the right to speak (on this topic or at all)?”