Summer Solstice - Belonging

One of my favorite shows is Elementary, a modern story of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. It is my go to show when I want something comforting and familiar. Having watched the series MULTIPLE times you would think I would get bored, but instead I feel such a closeness with Sherlock it is more like visiting a friend each time I watch. Sherlock over the series of the show says so many things which resonate with me, one of which is the quote above. 

Sherlock says "Not a flaw to be correct but a trait to be accepted," to his partner Joan Watson as she struggles to make a conventional life for herself. He reminds her she is anything but conventional and instead of hiding from her nature, he invites her to lean into it. I imagine Joan being scared of that invitation after witnessing her friend Holmes lean into his own nature and from the outside appearing to be alone and rarely finding belonging.

How many of us have taken to fixing our nature instead of accepting AND celebrating ourselves as we are? This is such a common experience especially for those of us part of marginalized communities. The instinct and the messaging is ifwe just could fit in, we would feel better. So we head off searching for what makes us different so we can fix it, but the fixing doesn't lead to acceptance but an alienation and a distancing from ourselves.

Fixing ourselves doesn't guide us to belonging, it drive us to never truly being seen and witnessed in all of our wholeness. 

And this is done for good reason - survival and safety. The Other in our culture is a target for violence and exclusion, so we try to be anything but ourselves for survival. There is no shame in orienting towards survival. This isn’t some false perception of not being safe - it is a reality for many. 

And even if others can’t/won’t see us for who we truly are, can we see ourselves? Can we give ourselves the permission, the shelter, the home to be just as we are? Can we give that shelter to others? 

I am not saying this path is easy (or just). It is lonely, painful, and difficult to not be fully seen by others. But it is tiring to try and continually fix ourselves because the dominant culture finds us unpalatable. We begin to think the dominant culture is right - we are broken, we do need fixing, we are too much, etc., etc.

This last year much of my work has been creating more inclusive and accessible spaces for neurodivergent and autistic adults. People who for much of their lives tried to fit in and play the societal norm game at great cost not realizing the game was rigged in favor of those who are neurotypical.

This context of learning one is neurodivergent and/or autistic is finally seeing oneself in full context and looking back to see why so much of life was painful and confusing.  Why we never felt like we belonged. 

​During this solstice season -the time of the crab in the zodiac - a being which carries its home wherever it goes and moves in its own unique diagonal dance, it seems most fitting to invite us to find the trait we are so desperate to fix and instead embrace it for the gift it is. And while you might choose who to share that new found gift with (because it is precious and the world can be violent to the Other), it is no less precious because it needs to stay quiet. 

And if you long for a place to share your gift, your trait to be accepted and celebrated, I would be happy and honored to be one to see you in your fullness. 

My prayer this solstice is we all find the belonging we deeply deserve and that each one of us be a wayfinder for those in our communities in search of home. 

Solstice Blessings,

Valerie