Every year when Scorpio season arrives, I feel as though everyone has entered where I reside. Scorpio is the descent into the underworld, where everything you have squirreled away comes and snuggles beside you. It’s meant to bring comfort, wisdom, and companionship, but instead to so many of us it feels like extreme discomfort. And what do humans do with discomfort? We lean as far away from it as possible. Sometimes that works, and other times it draws the discomfort even closer…ugh. 

I don’t believe in a shadow as defined (and categorized) in modern psychological terms. We speak about reclaiming what is in the shadow as though it is separate from us. But for many, what is hidden is what we live with everyday. We know it’s there, but we live in a culture which tells us it’s not safe, kind, pretty, or polite to be a certain way. We have demonized the hidden and then wonder why so many are suffering. In our demonization we have made the exploration of the hidden the exotic other. Those of us which cozy up to the fertile darkness want nothing more than to have the beauty of our gifts seen. However, this othering is damaging, not just to those who dwell in the cave of humanity, but to everyone. When we other our humanity we lose the opportunities to be accepted for our full selves. 

Our modern culture with its fascination with light has lost the naturalness of nighttime. Again and again we set up a binary and sort everything into good and bad. This has become so common it is like air and to break this habit (if we even are aware of it) is often to feel as if we cannot breath. 

The spiritual discourse that has been co-opted by the wellness discourse hasn’t escaped this binary. The conversation of regulation, attachment, embodiment has become one of a certain state is good and the other bad. Regulation good. Dysregulation bad. Secure attachment good. Disordered attachment bad. Body good, dissociation bad. But you are not a static state. You aren’t able to inhabit just one of these energies for all of eternity. And what your calm “looks” like may not look like anyone else’s calm, because as I have written before, there is no one  perfect way to inhabit a nervous system. 

We have used the label of wellness to set up impossible standards. Humans cannot be regulated all the time. We will become dysregulated at some point and we should. You will feel insecure in a relationship, that is natural…and then another relationship will come along and you will have a strong attachment. The goal isn’t to hold a feeling, thought, or energy forever…”if I just find calm I will stay calm” is a lie or a myth, whichever is more palatable.  

We weren’t made to be non-shifting. We are shapeshifters. We are made to move in and out of states, in and out of connection, in and out of emotions. The invitation is to have flexibility in our way of being…can you be pissed and then return to whatever is calm for you? Can you dissociate and come back? Can you do this again and again and again?

But instead of using our understanding of nervous systems, bodies, and souls as invitations to be more nuanced and complex, we have done the opposite - pathologized everything which in turn means everything now requires an answer. Being human in all its super tender, beautiful, challenging, heart wrenching normalcy has been picked apart and made into something to be fixed.  And then we get rightly frustrated when no answer emerges. 

But the emergent is often irreconcilable, because life lived is paradoxical. There is no fix for being human. You can’t breathe it away, meditate it away, pray it away. At some point, life will ask you to descend to someplace you don’t want to go. Why not practice each year with the arrival of Scorpio season? 

Everyone on this planet is human and at some point each year (seasonally) we collectively descend into the muckness of being human. We can either take a handful of the sludge, bring it close to our face, and with deep humility ask, "what is this?" What is this which we define as gross and unwanted? And what is its sacred and real purpose to our beingness?  

While some of us only choose to dip our toe into the underworld every once in awhile, others were born to dwell in this space. We were born of the muck, it is our home, our place of comfort and safety. For many, we haven’t been afraid of the dark, instead we have a deep knowing that in the cave there is aliveness and fertility, and have been shunned for this knowing. This time of year we feel the companionship with the  of the rest of the world, even though many are uncomfortable in this space. But I assure you if you are one who is uncomfortable in the muck, there is a hand reaching for you in the dark and whispering “here, take my hand, because my senses are at home in the dark, and until your senses adjust, I can be here with you. To companion you, until you too know the flourishing in this space that needs very little light to reveal its beauty and aliveness.” 

May we all have opportunities in this season of magical darkness to shed what burdens us and to re-member what inspires.

Blessings, Valerie ​

Hi All, How are you? I’m moving through thoughts and feelings a mile a minute. One minute I’m ok, the next I am feeling all my fears and worries. Can you relate? I’m used to spending most of my days alone for the last several years, so this isn’t too much of an adjustment for me. However, my need to stay up to date and be a diligent researcher along with my own health concerns is activated my system left and right. I’m sitting here practicing, failing, and succeeding calming my nervous system. Yesterday a bath and yoga nidra did the trick, today it’s soothing self talk and self massage that is helping me ride the wave that has peaks of panic.Over the years, I have learned this calming isn’t always a solitary act. I used to have a lot of shame around being hyperaware, sensitive, a canary in a coal mine, but the more I have learned about trauma, resilience, and healing, the more I have learned that calm is a co-creative process. Until we are solid in our practice, quieting our systems takes guidance whether that is in recorded form, written material, video, or in person. Practicing feeling safe, secure, and centered requires us so often to “be seen” by someone that can witness us with compassion. As a minister, I consider my primary job to partner with those that are suffering and in crisis – “for though I walk through the valley, I am not alone.” 
 
We are a household of two, and over the years we have tried not to freak out at the same time (maybe in the same hour but not at the same time;). We each have our own strengths and unique needs regarding safety, and it helps to know what those are. But what happens if you find yourself in a crisis and you haven’t really thought of what makes you feel safe and secure? It’s hard to hit the ground running, if you haven’t fostered a trust in your coping toolbox. Be gentle with yourself right now. Tell that screaming inner critic (panicked helper, etc) that you hear it and it’s not being helpful. Often – I raise a hand to it and say “not helpful.” And turn back to the task at hand. 
 
You maybe in crisis right now - concerned about basic needs, your health and the health of your loved ones, and it maybe clear to you that you are triggered. OR you maybe in crisis right now and that is not the word you would use. But, figuring out the new normal, navigating work from a new space, different people in your energy for differing hours, hell – navigating the grocery story is not what it was two weeks ago. You maybe more tired, more wired, more on edge, angry, depressed, sad, irritable, etc. And these are all signs that a nervous system is on alert. Add on being sensitive, in tune, connected and you are feeling all the feels right now. Totally normal.
 
In crisis, meaning is difficult to find. Yeah I have seen the social media posts inviting me to see this pandemic and physical distancing as an opportunity for growth, meaning, everything happens for a reason, God/Goddess has a plan. BUT I invite you to be patient with your meaning making. Acknowledge that this moment, maybe you have seen a silver lining or maybe there isn’t one for you right now – and that is ok. Life just IS sometimes. Meaning may never come or it could be days, months, and years away. A quickly rushed meaning could cut you off from the deeper learning and curiosity that is required to slurp all the nectar out of less than ideal situation. Meaning often comes with distance – it unfurls as you walk away from the immediate experience. Don’t struggle for something just because so many others are using that to get through this moment. If you haven’t found calm or meaning yet – that is OK. This isn’t a rush to enlightenment. And if you found it and then it left you –say it with me…THAT is ok. 
 
Since calm is a co-creative practice, my ministry at this moment is to practice with you.  Want some specialized help with touching into calm? Need someone to share those thoughts and feelings that you think other will judge you for? Want long distance healing? Need prayer and connection? Want me to pull cards and doing a mini-reading? I am here. And before you say, “Valerie, I would love to but I don’t have the money. “ I say to you – this isn’t about money, building my business, or getting clients; this is about doing the work of the Divine, together. And that is more than enough. I will not send anyone an invoice, and I will not initiate a discussion of payment. You can talk with me if you want regarding payment, but it won’t come from me. 
 
Community, I have no doubt we will get through this. It may not be pretty at times, it certainly isn’t easy, but you are not alone. Sincerely, Valerie 
 

I know I have been MIA from your inbox.  Maybe you haven’t even noticed with all the info that comes at us daily. So why break radio silence now? Because that bossy Spirit voice in my head told me to ;-).  The last several years I have taken a deep dive personally and professionally into the nervous system and how it informs our minds, emotions, bodies, and souls. I have learned several valuables tools for myself when my system becomes immobile, traumatized, and straight up full-blown panicked. I guess some universal force thought these tools might be helpful for many of us given the interesting times we find ourselves living in. 
 
You know what doesn’t help when I am panicked?  Someone telling me to calm down and to not be afraid – in all its variations. Right now, there are a lot of don’t be afraid and remain calm messages. But just like if I told you to not think of a polar bear – you can’t help BUT think of polar bear. The same is true of the message – no fear and be calm. It can cause frustration, confusion, shame, and an activated nervous system when we ignore what our system is doing. For those of us that have a sensitive nervous system (a finely tuned instrument if you will) it can be challenging to find stillness and quiet when we are trying to stay informed, and so much is electrifying our systems. So I wanted to pop in one sensitive to another and give some concrete pointers on how to turn down your system. This is not an exhaustive list. Much you might already know, but some maybe new tools for your nervous system. This list isn't a perfection list - it's a practice list. Downshifting your nervous system is a cumulative practice. Some of these tips may give you a big reward and others may give you a tiny shift. Both are valid options for your system. I hope you find this list useful!  As always, reach out if you need me!! 
Namaste, Valerie 

• Acknowledge you are afraid (worried, anxious, etc). Just acknowledge it without trying to change it, make it go away, etc. Being anxious right now is SUPER normal. Repeat that to yourself. It’s super normal and it's ok. And its also normal to be mad that you are afraid, anxious, worried. That inner critic voice is there for so many of us. So as much as you can just notice what emotions you are having. And then notice where you feel it in your body. Is it tingly, tight, buzzy, etc. Give words to the sensations you are feeling.
• Physical distancing doesn’t mean social isolation. Video chat with a friend. Look out the window to the house next door and talk through your window, text, phone call, join an online class. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Need someone to video chat with? Reach out to me – happy to connect.
• IF you are anxious/afraid (activated) do a video chat with a trusted person and ask them to just be with you. The words they can say to you are “I’m here with you." “I see you.” Look into their eyes – see their humanity, their calmness, their steadiness. Let it wash over you. This type of connection is what we all need at all times in our life. It is critical to our growth and many have never had this kind of unconditional validation. Your friend can also tell you how you are feeling is ok. And if they start to get all advice giving on you, tell them that is not what you need right now. 
• Feel your fingers and toes. Wiggle them around. Not big movements, just noticing your fingers and toes. Also look around. Look out a window, around your room, let your eyes see something that soothes them.
• Softening your gaze is proven to relax nervous system. Allow your peripheral vision to expand, lessen your focus.
• Lengthen your exhales. I like to send my exhales down to my feet. Inhale and then send the exhale slowly to your feet. Do this multiple times.
• Self touch. Massaging your body before a shower with some yummy oil. Putting your hands on your opposite shoulders and give yourself a hug. Massage your legs and feet.
• Warm baths, soft lightening, candles, calming lavender, rose, pine, cedar smells
• Hug a pet and/or a stuffed animal
• Lay on the floor in bridge pose and put a block or books under your hips and breathe slowly – calms the vagal nerve.
• Create art, read a book, move your body, read a journal
• Go outside for a walk if you can. Or lay out in the fresh air
• Tea and warm water
• Yoga nidra – super helpful for calming baseline stress. Google yoga nidra and free recordings will come up. 
• Lay down and put your palms over your eyes. You will see movement. Look for the dark areas and see if you can allow them to grow. Give your eyes time to bath in the darkness. 
• Nap, watch TV, give yourself permission to walk away from your trigger and zone out. 
• Call in Spirit, your ancestors, God/Goddess – call them in even if you can’t feel them, don’t think it is working, think you are too stressed to do it.
• Be open to your system shifting. Grasping to the panic is common. Trying letting rice or dirt run through your fingertips to feel what surrender viscerally feels like.
• Get help if you need it. You can text HOME to 741741 and a counselor will connect with you. It is free help 24/7.